So here we are, thirteen days into our new life of sobriety. Yes, I did say use the royal ‘we’; the husband has joined me for the ride.
Whilst we’ve signed up to the infamous Dry January app, this isn’t about 31 days of abstinence. At least not for me it isn’t. Having drifted away from the shoreline of social drinking my habit was not only taking me dangerously out of my depth, I was actually beginning to loose sight of dry land. Although I hadn’t quite reached her level of darkness, Stevie Smith’s ‘Not Waving But Drowning’ pretty much sums it up.
My initial decision to blow the booze out of my life started to take shape in the autumn. 2018 saw one too many instance of alcohol getting the better of me and I knew it was only going to get worse if I didn’t take some drastic measures. Having given up smoking 5 years ago, once again, with The Husband in tow, my ability to metabolise alcohol seemed to be shot to pieces. In my twenties a stint of all night drinking wouldn’t be a problem. Now I was struggling to make it past 10pm!
Coupled with this recent inability to handle the booze, two years ago we moved to a small town on the east coast. A very sociable small town on the east coast. One where they like to drink a lot, and I’m not talking sandy homemade lemonade. We’ve had a ball, or at least I think we have; I can’t actually remember half the parties we’ve been to. And that’s not really cool when you’re closer to 50 than you are 40.
Not only could I not relate to the person I was becoming, I didn’t like that woman. The realization of this initially makes you consume even more alcohol to escape the reality, and so the sorry saga sprials out of control. The Husband wasn’t in a much better place.
Neither of us had reached rock bottom but we are both intelligent enough to see that things weren’t going to get better unless we made some radical changes, and soon. I only told a couple of friends. I felt a little mocked by them; they couldn’t believe that I would turn my back on my party self. So I have chosen not to tell anyone else. This is our journey.
I have found great support with the various groups of wonderful people adopting the sobriety movement online. My hunger for reading, which left me many years ago (probably when the cheeky glasses of wine started), has returned and I have worked my way through a pile of relevant books; Jason Vale’s How to Kick the Drink Easily, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, The Sober Diaries, Unwasted and I’m soon to start Sober as F***. My Instagram page has gained an incredibly amount of followers after just a few days. These ‘support’ tools give context to what we’re doing. Knowing we’re not alone makes the journey so much more bearable.
I look forward to sharing that journey with you.
With Love, SOS x